Out in Left Field: Jealousy and Envy

I figured that a sufficiently oblique post title will wing it, but on re-reading the above, I don't think it'll make any sense to anyone at all besides myself.

Yes, I'm beside myself with envy and jealousy. These are feelings I hate to have, especially when they're also tinged with a little wrath and lust. The potent combination of all of the above leaves me feeling like shit, which, in some sense of the word, is what I am like right now: feeling a little too shitty.

I guess it started with the McDing (borrowed the phrase from a housemate). Kick ass consulting firm McKinsey has decided that its venerated institution cannot house a degenerate like me. Unfortunately, they also couldn't muster the proper interviewers either: my first interviewer looked more like he came from the set of Lord of the Rings where he played one of the orcs. The questions were fast and furious, and I kept getting interrupted. I suppose that's part of the stress interview bit about it, but I don't appreciate being treated like an idiot (two beady little eyes staring out at me isn't making me like him... and how is he expected to like me when I don't like him? Wrong vibes sent bothways kill any rapport that I was trying to build). The result: dinged.

So began my descent into shithood. It got worse when my landlady decided that she is an amnesiac, and now thinks that a conversation that we have had did not happen, and thereby thinks she is entitled to return my deposit to me when I leave. I explicitly stated to our dear Mrs G.U. that we had an agreement (she even sent me an email as confirmation) that she will pay me, in cash, on certain stated dates way before I leave, the full deposit amount. Mrs G.U. has conveniently decided that my email never happened, and her mode of dealing with problems is to pretend that emails I sent her were never received (especially if they were complaints or demands for deposits to be returned).

So... and here I do something that I shall look back as my one big vengeful act even if it probably wouldn't have much of an impact...

Future students of INSEAD coming to Fontainebleau: Avoid any dealings with the likes of ACM Meuble, the so-called company of our very dear Mrs G.U. (who I shan't name because I don't like to be sued, in France or anywhere else). She is inconsistent in her rent demands. She likes to create artificial charges for certain things and do not show you the bills for them. She thinks that rent can be raised and lowered as and when she feels like it. She maintains horrible accounts. She will bug you to pay for broken utensils or crockery that isn't your fault. She is the bitchy empress of the sleepy little village of VLS.

Oooh. I feel better already.

And as if the shitty times aren't over, I suddenly feel left out from parties and dinners. I think it is a function of a few factors: one, I'm not popular enough; two, I'm not social enough (well, can't help it, my nature); three, I'm not a girl (average looking girls also get invited to dinners, shucks). Getting left out isn't so bad, but when getting left out meant being driven home to sulk while your housemate heads out afterwards to all the cool social gigs make it suck. Yes, getting left out = jealousy + envy and the somewhat sick feeling that getting invited meant everything (socially).

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Haha... a case of sour grapes, of course. I'm a sucker for feeling bad about myself, and given the right conditions (3 in fact), I just can't help but start feeling sorry about myself.

Eventually, these things don't matter, but it kind of rankles whenever feelings of this sort bubbles to the surface. It's not possible to prevent oneself from feeling it. Hopefully, other things and events in the long run will smooth out the short term ill feelings that nestle within oneself.

After all, I am myself: my definition of my self-worth isn't in the number of invitations I got.

A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

... and right after typing in the title, I started having dirty thoughts about 'bird in hand' and 'in the bush'. Ack... my state of mind these days.

So anyhow, the topic of the day (as is the topic of anyday with some of the serious-minded-career types at INSEAD) is about the job search. The economics behind the job search plays out like the proverbial 'bird in hand' (give me a moment while I stifle the urge to think masturbatory thoughts):

1. You send out job applications by the truckloads.

2. Actually, this is step 0, but I'm lazy. You think about 3 factors when considering the jobs you apply for and use these like filters: Geography, Function, Category. With Geography (not the O-level subject you're thinking) you consider whether or not you want to work in a familiar environment, or somewhere exotic and new. Like Europe. Or London, which, apparently to some, is NOT Europe.

Then you think about the Category (my choice of word for this): do you want to work in Finance and Banking and not have a life? Or do you want to work in Consulting and not have a life? Or do you want to work in industry and curse the other guys for taking the better paying jobs? Tough questions to answer indeed.

Of course, there is Function to consider: which area of work? HR? Sales? Line Management (as opposed to managing dots which are 'infinite')?

Career Services advise that you don't change more than 2 of the above 3 dimensions with your career switch. I think that's bollocks: you should challenge yourself to do all 3 and leave me with the competitive advantage. :)

3. So, after sending out the applications, you sit, wait and twiddle thumbs. Very soon, one of two things happen:

a) you get an email or phone call telling you to come for an interview. Hooray!

b) you get an email (never a phone call at this stage, mind you) telling you politely to f*** off. A 'ding'. Here's an example of a ding I got (name of company removed to protect myself from potentially harmful repercussions):

Dear Greyscalefuzz,
Thank you very much for your interest in MyKickAssCompany.

Following careful consideration of your CV, we regret that we are unable to identify roles that would be a good fit between your skills and our needs at the current time. If you have no objections, we will like to retain your resume in our database, and get in touch with you should there be other opportunities in the future.

We would like to take this opportunity to wish you success in your MBA studies and all the best for your future endeavours.

Best regards,

MyName

That one's from an industry company. Here's one from a management consultancy:

Dear Greyscalefuzz,

Thank you for your interest in Talkalot Consulting Company.

Our worldwide recruiting committees have reviewed the information you sent us. We are impressed with your excellent track record and your demonstrated abilities. However, as we regularly receive a large number of applications, we are forced to make decisions on candidates based on written applications.

We regret that we cannot offer you a personal interview at this time.

We do appreciate your interest in TCC and wish you every success in finding a rewarding and challenging position.

Yours sincerely,
MyName

This one is a personal fave for the sheer pomposity of it:

Dear Mr Greyscalefuzz,

Thank you very much for sending MyConsultingCompany your curriculum vitae. We have reviewed it with interest, and it is clear that you have achieved significant academic performance and professional experience.

The standard of all the applicants from INSEAD and other top international MBA programs this year has been extraordinarily high, and we have been forced to apply a very severe set of criteria.

I regret to have to inform you that, despite your high level of achievement, we have decided not to proceed at this stage with the recruiting process.

We would like to suggest that you keep us informed of your professional moves, so that we may discuss further potential opportunities of working together at a future date.

We would like to thank you for your interest in MyConsultingCompany, and to wish you the very best for the remainder of your time at INSEAD, and for your career choices.

Best regards,
MyName

4. At this stage, I'm going to briefly summarise what happens: you go interview for the first round, sit and wait some more, then step 3 repeats itself (i.e. 'hooray' or 'ding'). Then there's 2nd round, and any number of stupid rounds these recruiters would like to have. At the end of it all, you either end up with a job, or you do not.

And here I go into complain mode once again: say you have a job already (bird in hand, snigger snigger), and you think to yourself 'Hmm, I like this job very much, but I kind of want to know what else there is out there that I can grab'. So you send out more job apps, keep your holing recruiter fan waiting, and, because of your stellar CV manage to get more job interviews. And you ace them. And you then end up with two fistfuls of job offers.

Then what? What's the point of feeding your ego that way? Come on: there are guys out there with mouths to feed (ok, I exaggerate), but you DON'T need to apply and reap that many. You can do with what you REALLY want, and isn't that a lot more satisfying for you? And can you actually face the fact that you're depriving both the company, and another considered applicant, a position through your own selfish actions?

Ah, my rants and raves. So there: the bird in hand is definitely nice. Those two in the bush are good too, and of course you should go for them if they are the right kind (and the bird in your hand isn't). But be a content person - too many birds can only mean too much bird shit, and shit in your face is bad for the skin.

Get Off My Case

A job in consulting hinges on aceing that weird thing known as the case interview. Supposedly, a case interview tests how well your thought processes are and whether you are able to think on the spot, have a structure to approach problems, and still be creative enough to find a solution.

Naturally, I feel a need to be honest and frank about what case interviews achieve. My frank opinion... case interviews are nonsense.

In fact, most interviews are. One can learn how to bullshit his way through any interview given enough practice, vault guides, help from career services and sheer hardheadedness.

Likewise with the case interview: you really do know what the other guy is asking for and it is just that well-known S word: Structure, structure and structure. So give that guy a bloody structure, and then watch out for signals that you're on the right path.

See, I think that's the trick with case interviews: you give some kickass hoe-down structure and then anticipate and look for reactions. It isn't about being well structured: it's about picking up on the non-verbal cues and hints that your very nice interviewer drops along the way. And that is why I think some of those people with the most stellar CVs fail at that critical juncture: the case interview.

So what is the interviewer looking for really? Ok, so you know you have to give him that dirty S-word. Three rules right? Rule number one: You don't talk about Fight Club. Rule number two: You don't talk about Fight Club. Rule number three...

Oh sorry, wrong movie. Ok, so the three rules work like this. Think of this as greyscalefuzz's framework for case interview success and someday I might be famous and write some self-help book on aceing that case interview (not that the vault guides, various consulting club manuals and career guides aren't doing the trick already).

Rule number 1: Give that guy a structure. ANY structure as long as it makes some kind of sense and is general enough to encompass whatever he is talking about. The safest structure is the 4Cs, and my version of it goes 'Company', 'Customers', 'Competitors' and 'Conditions'. Well twist it around and also add in things such as 'Profit = Revenue - Costs' and you should be well on your way.

Rule number 2: Be flexible. The last thing you should do is expect to stick to your structure. When you see that something you're touching on is making some leeway, abandon anything that sounds iffy and dive deep into the issue the interviewer has so kindly given you the hint about. So if you struck a chord when talking about the 'Company' and the interviewer mentions something about metrics and KPIs, be prepared to change tack and discuss measurements and stuff. Don't get hung up on your stupid 4C structure and keep harping back to it because, as is already obvious, that isn't what the interviewer is looking for.

Rule number 3: Look out for nonverbal cues and hints. Be one step ahead of the game and when given the slightest hint about something, pick on it and expound on it. The thing is to watch out, listen well, and then talk the topic to death. If you have the glib of tongue (which you should try to have, or you'll just be a mediocre case cracker), then be prepared to talk round a topic until something logical sticks.

Hmm... maybe rule number 3 doesn't sound so well expressed there. See, what I think most of the case interview hinges around is one being able to see that an interviewer has given one a lead. A lead may take many forms: perhaps the interviewer has voluntarily given you data, in which case that would be the most direct way to steer the discussion towards what has been given to you; perhaps the interviewer has mentioned that he would prefer to take a different approach; perhaps the interviewer expressed interest in a particular sub-area of your structure.

Whatever it is, a case interview is not meant to be approached with a formula in mind: take it as a chance to build some rapport with the interviewer and demonstrate your train of thought - always speak out loud.

And I think that is key: to make yourself heard - no, not your airheaded self, but what your brain goes through when solving a problem - and heard for the right things.

Oh hey, btw, I am no definitive authority on case interviews, but heck I think I have heard enough bitching about screwed up case interviews to say something about what went wrong. So there.

Show Your Sensitive Side - Spare a Thought for the Rest of Us

It is a stressful time at INSEAD. We're now in the thick of the 4th period (the penultimate 2 month period before graduation) and the job hunting season is starting to go into its most depressing phase.

It works like this: consulting firms start recruiting really early in the game (don't count the I-bankers - they got their jobs over summer those s****). This means that the 2nd week of P4 onwards, the consultancies came incessantly onto campus to present, mingle, and organize dinners for us. On our end, we sometimes do our best to schmooze and try not to look like we're gulping too much champagne. Some of us can get quite aggressive: the schmoozefest usually take the form of a few guys surrounding one of the company reps (a partner, HR gal, manager or some poor consultant dragged into the affair), grilling the surroundee with question after question. The better schmoozers will ooze so much schmooze: they give out the namecards, they nod in appreciative gestures to indicate 'active listening', utter oft-used phrases and ask the same stupid questions.

But it doesn't end there: the consultancies play a similar game. They have access to our CVs: the database and an INSEAD-Career-Services-published CV book gives them the low-down on their harvesting pool, and from there, they decide that sitting and waiting for job applicants isn't proactive enough: they send out invites instead. What it does create is a certain one-upmanship among the MBAs: "Hey I got an invite to dinner with Booz's Dubai folks" or "Check this out: Bain has invited me to interview without even me submitting an application".

It goes along the same vein: there's a demand, and there's a ready supply. So some folks get targeted advertising and some others don't - CVs are not always up to scratch (and they don't reflect a person's real abilities that pile of crap). There is no period in INSEAD where more envy is generated, not even when folks were doing their summer internship applications. There is also no period where I saw so much frustration, anger, disappointment and shame.

See, not all of us have stellar CVs and track records. Come to think of it, even when comparing profiles among the lot of us, we discern no pattern that suggests what MBAs certain consultancies and their various offices are looking for. Queries into the exact criteria employed drew no replies - at times, it feels like consultancies are selecting their interviewees through a random process (that is, after filtering in the stars, and filtering out the obvious rejects).

On the average, almost everyone seems to have at least one interview with one consultancy (whether it be top tier Bain or second tier Value Partners - oops, I think I just insulted some firm there!). But the law of averages didn't matter shite to the folks that did not get a single interview.

That's right. They exist. My fellow South-East Asian is one example and he is not the happiest camper in Fontainebleau.

Spare a thought guys (that is, if you're reading this shite). I mean, its all fine and dandy telling everyone about your interviews and when they're scheduled, all the hoops the HR buggers are putting you through, and all the damn schmoozing that you had to do. It's all fine and dandy pronouncing your excellent candidature and prominent CV, and your multiple interview opportunities. It just isn't that nice when you're doing it to someone who hasn't got a single call, who hasn't got a single interview lined up, and who has received one 'Ding' upon another.

That's all I ask really, and it's not for me (I've got one interview, thank God!). If your OB lessons never bore fruition, now is the time you can utilize those skills you learnt. Spare a thought for these guys and show that you care.

INSEAD is one family and the family sticks by its members. - we celebrate any achievements and gains that any brother or sister is able to garner. We should also comfort and console those who are worn down and disappointed with the sorry affair.

Authenticity, Careers and Art

Like a track out of Prodigy's best album ('Fat of the Land' I think), this post is probably a wierd mish of skippy beats.

Much as I have learnt from my course in PIM, perhaps the one big lesson that came out of it was that one should aim to be authentic. Being authentic with yourself is the first step in being a better person - when you don't lie to yourself, you will see more of your own flaws and come to view your self-esteem in the right light. In a way, if your ego is the inflated sort (like most MBAs are wont to be) then you most likely need a dose of self-criticism, and see where you really stand as a human being.

Being authentic with other people is a lot harder though. The oft-used cliche of 'putting on a mask' reminds me of how people that I sometimes interact with on a daily basis aren't always being true. Typical casual friends tend to assume a veneer of falsehood as some kind of screen, maybe in some attempt to hide the true self underneath. I guess most people do want their true selves to be 'revealed' in some form or other - they just aren't comfortable enough to want to do that in an obvious way. I believe everyone likes to be heard, and when you can bear to listen to some of the false pompous shit for a while, the true self emerges.

Speaking of revealing, a lot of what I am doing these days is trying to get folks to reveal more - not about themselves, but about their companies. INSEAD's P4s are in the thick of the recruiting season, with 2-3 companies coming every day for this week and next, all in the name of snatching the best MBAs for their firm. The P4s that are job hunting go out of their way to socialise, mingle and network. The P4s that aren't job hunting go out of their way to have fun (and make us job seekers jealous). Cruel, cruel world we live in out here - job search one moment, group meetings the next.

But... somehow, I found time to go to Paris on Sunday. Short trip to see the Musee d'Orsay for free. What struck me about the museum was how they seemed to have a different policy with regards cameras. In contrast with the Louvre (where photography was strictly forbidden), the d'Orsay allowed one to take pictures of the paintings, as long as no flash was used. This meant that one had to grapple with trigger happy tourists taking pictures of other happy tourists standing in front of modern art. How grothesque: go buy the bloody postcards ye cheapskate tourist!

Does it really add to your 'here I am' collection to have a picture of you standing in front of a Renoir or Monet? Like the folks at home are even going to notice. I was really peeved with a particular Brit tourist who shooed me out of his shot while I was looking at a Monet. Like I had no right to be between his phone camera and the painting. Come on... this is an art gallery, not the Eiffel Tower.

Oh, I was guilty of taking a couple of pictures though:

The ground floor of the museum was all sculpture. Rooms to the left and right housed older paintings, some just prior to the impressionist movement.


A clock on the fifth floor of the building offered some interesting picture opportunities. Didn't hang around long though - people just don't like their pictures taken by a stranger that much.