Instead, Instead, Instead

I'm appalled at the state of English spelling on the Internet. Kids out there seem to have brought their IRC-speak into SMS-speak and eventually allowed all of that unintelligible nonsense become some form of netspeak.

I'm not complaining though: I'm guilty of using my own abbreviations and shortened words as well, but a google search I did a long time ago (back when I was thinking about applying to B-school) showed me something interesting about misspelling words. I googled "INSEAD" and when analysing the search results, I saw links to: INSEAD's various websites; newspaper articles referring to the school; the odd gushy blog post from alumni, participants or newbie; and a whole ton of unrelated pages trawled out by the fantastic search engine.

The unrelated pages all had ONE trait: on each and every one of them, the author of that page had mis-spelt the word "instead". Instead of typing "instead", their quick fingers missed the 'T'. It's probably one of those mistakes which are rather easy to miss when scanning for typos. When Google bolds each and everyone of those mistakes though, it can end up somewhat embarrassing to look at.

Fast forward to present day: I ran the search again in Google today and it turns out that the search engine's code has been updated - it looks for INSEAD in keywords, titles, and in articles where words such as 'B-school' and 'MBA' appear. Sure took them long enough to fix it - probably attributable to the recent spike in Google hirings at INSEAD.

For the heck of it, I also ran the same search through Technorati and Google's Blog Search. Technorati's 5th ranked search result was a typo (top 4 were INSEAD related). Blog Search did better: result #75 was its first typo related retrieval.

Moral of the story? Having a name that is one letter shy of an easily misspelt and often used word is probably not a good idea.

PS: Some folks here have made a business out of helping folks out there with misspelt translations. Interesting stuff, but INSEAD is unfortunately not a misspelling for 'instead'... it is a real-life B-school alas.

PSS: Some folks mentioned in this article cashes in on the spelling misfortunes of others to make that quick buck on eBay. Damn... I should have thought of that. Sure beats some of the stupid business ideas I've heard in B-school.

PSSS: I'm putting a lot more hyperlinks in my blog these days - it makes the Snap Preview so much cooler (I do have a nagging feeling though that some folks out there dislike having hyperlinks blow up like word bubbles in a comic book)

More Spelling Fun!

The standard of english in Singapore's educational institutions have been declining the last few years. It is in such an appalling state (just look at the spelling errors and grammatical mistakes I've already made!) that I feel more a further need to teach the kids out there how to spell. But given the limited space I have and having much less popularity than Miss Wendy Cheng (who, incidentally doesn't use very good English either... oh don't flame me though), I shall restrict myself to my oft-cited letter of late: the letter 'V'!

V is (also) for 'Very-long-time-never-see-you': As Stripey has chosen to point out to me, he hasn't seen me for a very long time. Which is, of course, no longer true since I just saw him for dinner today and we had a nice chat at a Kiliney Kopitiam. I think we were both somewhat disappointed with Mai Otome, but on the whole, the series does have its merits. We also discussed the economics of the wedding dinner, and cbk also contributed a new term in my expanding lexicon: the XMM (Xiao Mei Mei; more on other 3 letter shortening of useful phrases some other time).

Also, to Stripey, cbk (aka the Chongster) and zw, I'll be off to La France in May and June, so you guys may use that 'Very-long-time-never-see-you' phrase on me again some time later this year. But rest assured: I won't miss any of your weddings if I can help it! (not that there are many in the first place!)

V is (also) for 'Verisimilitude': I first learnt this big word in university. To be honest, I still don't really know how to use it in a sentence, but suffice to say, to describe something as having verisimilitude is to say that it looks realistic. The phrase first came to my attention when I did classes on American Film (cross-faculty module alas - I wasn't an Arts student). It was a bombastic word to describe scenes we saw on film, whether or not it looked realistic. You won't believe it now, but in the 1930s, films in black and white with cardboard backdrops actually looked realistic to viewers then (they had vintage, those films... can't say the same for nosh like 'Attack of the Clones' - yuck). Another big word I learnt back then was mise-en-scene - something to mean cinematography, though not quite technical.

V is (also) for 'Victory', 'Valour', 'Vigilance', 'Vengeance', 'Vigour' and 'Valiant': Somebody back in the 80s had the bright idea to name the (then) new missile corvettes (MCV) using the letter 'V' (no doubt, he must have read 'V for Vendetta', that 'V' focused spelling book). Somebody should have pointed out to him that 'Valour' and 'Valiant' somewhat mean the same thing, but that fact was probably lost on the powers that be in the navy at that time. Having served my NS in the navy, the MCVs were the pride of the navy (then... probably not so much now) and their names evoked enVy.

I wanted to say, though, that despite the somewhat fancy names, the MCVs have the best names in the entire fleet. Seriously, the name RSS Victory (or my fav: RSS Vengeance) evokes more awe than RSS Punggol (a mine clearing vessel, one of several named after ulu places in Singapore - it was ulu back then but not now), RSS Sea Lion (the navy wants you to think these are lions which surf the seven seas, and not the cousin of the seals of Ocean Park), RSS Endurance (it's a kind of 'garang' name, but it just shows how uncreative the bigwigs in the navy were - this name was recycled from an older ship), and RSS Brave (along with its patrol vessel brothers, Daring, Dauntless, Boring - kidding with that one - these ships further display the lack of ingenuity with ship names).

I think ships should be named after presidents and other kickass politicians, like its done in the US navy. Think RSS Yusof Ishak, or RSS Wee Kim Wee for a change. Well, these names don't exactly strike terror in a foreign naVy, but they definitely are a better way to remember a dead statesman (of course, the MAS can always top that by putting his excellency's face on a 2 dollar note). I hope the naVy does do something more creative with the upcoming frigates it is intending to purchase though.

That's it for now - no more V-ishness and hopefully I haven't crossed the line with that irresponsible defense nonsense. Cheers and Vive la Franc3! (in slightly more than a month's time!)

Of geishas and the names we call ourselves

Last week, I saw Memoirs of a Geisha.

Ordinarily, I'm wary whenever Hollywood does something Oriental - you know someone's going to screw up the English (typically the Japanese or Mandarin speech as well), there will be some stereotypical oriental (think Fu Manchu), the Westerner man-from-out-of-town is going to come in and save the day, age-old conventions get defied (damn Westerner's fault!), and pretty much all cultural subtleties are thrown out the window.

That's my rant at least, but I think things at Hollywood have improved. However, until Memoirs, the bigwigs there seem to always insist on a major white guy in the story, his chief role being that of the Devil's Advocate / Enlightener / Troubledour (and whatever else). I remember watching 'The Last Emperor' and Peter O'Toole teaching the monarch about the fine art of bicycle riding. More recently, I disliked seeing Tom Cruise in 'The Last Samurai' becoming swordsman extraordinaire in (oh I don't know...) 2 months?

In any case, I actually liked Memoirs. Nope, I didn't read the book - purists will probably be disappointed (and I like to be a purist, so its good I didn't read it). For once though, there was no chief white man, and the story was more about the trials and tribulations of one woman, and her quest for that one man. It's kind of like Oshin, but condensed and set in the world of the geishas. It is somewhat more glamorous as well - it seems geishas command a high price for their virginity (I've been told this was nonsense by a Japanese - having acted as the local, I've learnt not to trust one).

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Other than being a touching story, Memoirs also had another interesting characteristic - it used Chinese actresses to play Japanese geishas. That, of course, is somewhat obvious though there were 2 subtleties that I thought were noteworthy about the key actresses:

1. In the film, Zhang Ziyi played Sayuri, the protagonist who eventually usurped the resident baddie star geisha, Matsumoto, played by Gong Li. In the movie, Matsumoto was the (initially hot) star geisha whose star was dimming. Sayuri's sudden rise from humble servant girl to men-stunning geisha spelt her doom.

Reel life imitates real life doesn't it? Gong Li was the Chinese star of the 90s, due in large part to the many Zhang Yimou films she starred in; but her star has been fading. The Chinese star of the moment is Zhang Ziyi - she looks younger, she acts just as well, she's a bigger sex symbol and she strips more (well, no frontal nudity cos that will so ruin the image, but you do see lots of her skin). A cruel joke? Or perhaps just an uncanny casting choice?

2. Oh yes, the 3rd big Chinese star in the movie is Michelle Yeoh, and these 3 women combined just about sum up the issue that I really wanted to talk about: Chinese names.

"Michelle Yeoh" is the kind of name I would have given myself if I wanted an ang moh to actually pronounce my name properly, and be able to call me correctly phonetically. It is like that period when folks go into secondary school and it suddenly became cool to have an English name. Tan Tian Huat wanted to be known as Robert, and Goh Siew Hwee insisted on responding to Genevieve. Oh of course that didn't quite apply if your parents gave you a Christian name, but I think you get my drift.

So it is with the "Michelle Yeoh"s of the world - here, I have named myself something cool with my folks, and with which you can call me by. So call me by THAT.

"Zhang Ziyi" is your more typical hanyu pinyin name. Strangely though, she wants to be known as Ziyi Zhang these days. I can understand why - when you have had more than one foreigner mangled your surname (or last name) and given name (or first name) too often, you'll want to set the record straight once and for all. The "Zhang Ziyi"s of the world are the set like mine - it isn't cool to have any ang mohish name once everyone who knows you already know you. If auntie next door has always called you Ah Teck, it'll be really hard to correct her (No auntie, it is LORBIRD. R-O-B-E-R-T).

I sympathise with what she's (Miss Zhang) done with her name - culturally, the typical foreigner refuses to get off his cultural high horse to understand how the Chinese name themselves. We have to end up giving it to them in a palatable form, even if it was something as weird as "Ziyi Zhang". Is it that hard to see that the Chinese have always had their surnames come first?

Then we have the "Gong Li" names. That's where I am - I am a "Gong Li" name-type. I'm the kind of guy who did not manage to get a real cool English name (some idiot wanted to call me Valence in Sec 4 and thank God that didn't happen). Even more unfortunately, my parents thought it was cool to have a child with a "dan ming" (a 1-character given name, some examples from politics are: "Li Peng", "Lien Chan"). Thus, like Gong Li, I'm forever doomed to being called by my full name.

See, the typical ang moh can't understand that - in their universe, nobody gets called by their full name. It is just plain rude (it is plain rude too if you called Zhang Ziyi "Zhang Ziyi" all of the time too, incidentally). However, the problem with dan mings is just that: you have to call the person by their full name. I'm sure Gong Li doesn't want to be called 'Li' on the set - she's not likely to respond to that. It doesn't help even if she was to be known as "Li Gong" (just so that the typical ang moh knows which is the given name, and which is the surname).

Mangled names aside, I've had a tough time explaining my name. Some give up - they just call me by my surname (since its the first syllable, and many people are called by their surname too - I remember a certain 'bear' friend who is). Some others actually do try - the INSEAD professors have been the best - they just call me by the bold characters on my name tag (this green card that everyone puts in front of themselves for identification purposes - I'll try to put up a pic to illustrate when I can).

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Names - it seems they are a part of ourselves no one can take away. Yet, they are also a part of ourselves that are so easily mis-represented. I think we should be proud of what it is - after all, what else do you carry with you when all else leaves you? What's there to mark your grave when you finally depart this world? Your name is you - so live with it the best way you can.